PSA: How to schedule a dissertation meeting

In the last three or four weeks I've had five grad students email me trying to set up meetings of their dissertation committees. Let's call these students A, B, C, D and E. Student A's email read:

Dear members of my committee,
I want to have a meeting of my dissertation committee on SpecificDay at SpecificTime.
A

Students B thru E all sent emails along the line of:

Dear members of my committee,
I want to have a meeting of my dissertation committee. When are you available?
B/D/C/E

No, no, no, no, no. Neither of these approaches will do. In fact, these are exactly how NOT to go about the process.

Let's start with student A. The odds of all of your committee members being available at the specific time and date you chose are quite small. In fact, I'm not available then. So now what? You choose another specific time and date? What if I or another committee member aren't available then? How many rounds of this will we have to go through?

Students B thru E. What timeframe are we talking about here? Sometime in the next week? Two weeks? Month? Year? Decade? Millennium?

Okay, so we can probably rule out millennium. And decade. At least for students B, C and D. You guys should have graduated and be long gone by then. E on the the hand...

Even if you pin it down to specific period, say sometime in the next two weeks, do you really want me to send you a list of when I might be available? My calendar currently looks like something Jackson Pollock created on the floor, as do, I suspect, the calendars of all your other committee members.



Pollock's No. 5 1948 is a reasonable representation of Odyssey's calendar.

Why, oh why are you creating so much work for your committee and for yourself?

As a public service here's how you should approach the process:

Send a preliminary email asking if everyone is in town during the period you're hoping to have a meeting in.

Based on the results of the preliminary email, provide a list of five or six times and dates and ask your committee members to indicate which they are available for.*

Based on the replies, choose a time and date that works for everyone. Let everyone know as quickly as possible so they don't inadvertently fill that slot with something else. If there isn't one, try again.


Simple isn't it?





* If your committee is composed of computer savvy faculty you could go high-tech and use something like www.doodle.com.

Factor this

Wolfgang G. Stock of the Department of Information Science at the Heinrich-Heine-University in Düsseldorf has an interesting essay titled "The inflation of impact factors of scientific journals" coming out in ChemPhysChem (subscription required). In it he makes the point that impact factors (IF), h-indices and even eigenfactor scores for journals are flawed and really not very informative. For starters, he points out-

"For example, the British library holds more than 40000 scientific serials and adds about 800 new journals each year, whereas the two most comprehensive multidisciplinary databases, namely Elsevier's Scopus and Thomson Reuter's Web of Science (WoS) cover only 16000 (Scopus) and 10000 (WoS) periodicals."

Note that because of the differences in periodicals surveyed by Scopus and WoS, the IF's obtained from these two sources often disagree on the IF for a given journal.

Stock notes-

"All indicators that work with relative frequency measures (ie, all Group 2 indicators) suffer from serious statistical problems. It is a precondition for calculating average values (in our case: average cites per publication) that there is a Gaussian distribution... In journal informetrics this is not the case."

Seems like a serious flaw to me...

He asserts-

"In no case is it possible to use a journal impact factor on the article level to evaluate the influence of an article, an author or an institution."

Of course we all knew that.

Wish the bean-counters did...

PSIfi careers

Recently there was quite a bit of discussion in the blogosphere regarding a former SLAC National Accelerator Laboratory technician destroying $500,000 worth of proteins crystals. This incident occurred at the Joint Center for Structural Genomics, a part of the NIH-funded Protein Structure Initiative (PSI). You can read about this incident over at DrugMonkey's place.

A couple of the comments following DM's post made the point that these PSI labs are little more than large protein structure factories. 'Tis true. According to the global repository of all that is worth knowing, Wikipedia, PSI labs produced >3400 new structures between the inception of PSI in 2000 and November 2008, with ~1900 being new folds. One can argue whether or not the scientific output is worth the (so-far) >$700 million cost - many people have, including prominent structural biologists such as Greg Petsko. I don't really want to get into that here. What I do want to talk about is one of the human costs of PSI.

PSI employees a great number of scientists. Many of these are employed as postdocs. The problem with this is that many of these "postdocs" aren't really receiving research training.* Sure, they solve many structures, but that in and of itself is not research. The PSI labs are trying to solve as many representative protein structures as possible and each (at least initially) tend(ed) to focus on a single organism (or maybe a couple) as the source of material. A postdoc in a PSI lab could solve a whole bunch of structures, but the only relationship between the proteins would be the organism they were derived from. Many of the proteins were/are of unknown function. And the vast majority of the publications reporting the structures are short letters or notes with many authors... This is not research and it is not research training.

We're not associated with PSI, but do happen to have very good facilities for x-ray crystallography at Big State U. Consequently, in recent faculty searches we have had quite a few applications from PSI-trained crystallographers. Despite long publication lists, none of them have ever made it to the interview pile. Why? Well, an unusually large portion haven't written a coherent research plan (unusually large compared to applications from non-PSI trainees). I suspect they simply don't know how to construct a worthwhile/fundable research project. They haven't received the training. Many of the remainder suggest decent systems to work on (proteins of medical relevance), but propose nothing more than crystallography, which nowadays is not enough to get funding. And they have no preliminary data. None.

You could argue that a postdoc who takes a position in a PSI lab hoping to move on to an academic career is naive. They are. Judging by the applications we've seen, there are a bunch of naive postdocs out there. However, I think the PSI labs share some responsibility here. They should make it very clear to postdoc applicants that the positions they are applying for are unlikely to provide the training necessary for an academic career. Perhaps some of them do. Even better would be to call the positions by a name other than "postdoctoral scholar/fellow/trainee" - something employing "technician" seems more appropriate.

Petsko has stated "As a structural biologist, I want to train people who use structure determination as part of what they do. It is not the end in itself, nor should it be, not any more."

Sounds about right to me.





* Many, not all. I am aware that some PSI postdocs receive excellent research training.

It's party time!!!!!!!!

DrDrA is having a blog party!!!! I'll bring the bourbon.

iPhone apps

I have a question for my iPhone-wielding compadres: what apps do you find truly useful? Other than the ones that come standard.

I've grown partial to the following:

Evernote - particularly useful since it automagically syncs with my laptop via the internet. Good for recording notes, saving web pages etc. A useful catchall and organizer for information.

TripIt - useful as long as you're comfortable with them potentially having access to your travel info. It's also available on LinkedIn if you happen to have an account there. I like the built-in flight status and map features.

UrbanSpoon - for when you're traveling and have a need for good Thai food...

Liberation

We had one humungous mother of a thunderstorm come through a couple of days ago. Knocked out the power in the building I work in.

It fried my office phone.

Woohoo!!11!!!11!!!

Herding cats

I'm in the midst of writing an equipment proposal for a bright shiny new toy that will be really, really useful. To a lot of the faculty here. Although I've never written this kind of proposal before I'm not finding the writing terribly difficult - I know enough about the instrument and what we'll do with it to wax lyrical. No, it's not the writing that's getting to me. It's extracting information from my fellow faculty. It's like herding cats.



Odyssey trying to corral fellow faculty.

All I need from each of them is a biosketch, list of current and pending funding, and a paragraph or two describing the research they would do with the instrument. Is that really so hard?

Apparently it is. To the point that I can now confidently state a new law...

Odyssey's law of equipment proposal writing:

The ability to obtain from a faculty member useful information required for an equipment proposal is inversely proportional to just how useful that piece of equipment would be to that person.




Anyone got a good bullwhip I can borrow?

Odyssey's 3 Rules for Smartphone Use

Female Science Professor recently had a post on why she hates iPhones. Based on some of the comments that resulted from that post I've come to realize that a great many people don't know the correct protocols for smartphone* usage. So here I present:

Odyssey's 3 Rules for Smartphone Use

Rule 1: Thou shalt not just use it, but flaunt it.

We've all seen people engrossed in cellphone conversations at restaurants, ignoring their dining companions. Such behavior is totally unacceptable. Crass. Rude. Except in those cases where an iPhone is in use! In such cases it is acceptable behavior, but only if the user makes it very, very clear to all and sundry that he/she is using an iPhone. The following examples demonstrate incorrect and correct usage:

Incorrect Usages-
(Ranging from bad to absolute worst)

a) Ring, ring!
iPhone owner quickly and unobtrusively retrieves iPhone from pocket, apologizes to dinner companion(s), answers thusly:
"Hello?"
...
"Oh hi. I'm at dinner right now. Can I call you back later? Thanks."
...
"Bye."
Hangs up, apologizes again while silencing phone and putting it away.

b) Ring, ring!
iPhone owner quickly and unobtrusively retrieves phone from pocket, pushes a button to send the caller into voicemail, silences phone, and quickly pockets the device. Apologizes to dinner companion(s).

c) iPhone owner silences iPhone before entering restaurant.

Correct Usage-
Ring, ring!
Cellphone user smiles knowingly and slowly retrieves iPhone from pocket.
Ring, ring!
Holding iPhone at eye-level owner carefully checks to see who is calling.
Ring, ring!
Keeping iPhone at eye-level, owner glances to make sure people at nearby tables are watching and, maintaining that knowing smile perfected by iPhone owners, carefully taps "Slide to Answer".
With a flourish owner then moves to iPhone to his ear and answers in a loud clear voice:
"Hi Bob, you've reached me on my iPhone. What's up?"

During the loud conversation that follows, the iPhone owner makes sure to mention that he is talking on his iPhone at least twice more, and then ends the call with:
"Well Bob, must run now. I'll talk to you soon on my iPhone. I'm hanging up my iPhone now. God, it's great to have an iPhone! Bye."

Rule 2: Thou shalt use thy Apps. And use them. And use them. And use them.

Why else would you have them? Suggested uses:

a) Use Maps to show everyone exactly where you are. This is good at least once for every location.
b) Use Maps to get directions to your next location, even if it's to the restaurant you're standing outside of.
c) Use the in-built camera to make a visual record of every event, no matter how trivial. And immediately send the photos to everyone on your contact list.
d) Make a Voice Memo of every important thought you have. Remember, they're all important!
e) Check the time in Timbuktu using Clock. While you're there, what time is it in Zurich?
f) Show off the last four Youtube videos you watched. Doesn't matter how good they were.
g) Check your Stocks. Don't own any? Check the ones you wished you did own.
h) What's new at the iTunes store? Or the Apps Store? Gotta keep up to date!
i) Look it up on the internet. Doesn't matter what it is. Look it up! "You're ordering the linguini? Look, here are 2,018 pictures of linguini on my iPhone!" "Did you say 'boorish'? Let me look that up on my iPhone!"

Be sure to hold your iPhone at at least eye-level and talk about it in a loud, clear voice while using your Apps. Make sure you say "iPhone" multiple times with plenty of with extra emphasis. And remember, there's no limit to how many times you do this an hour. The more the better!

Rule 3: Email be thy master.

Email is perhaps the most abused aspect of smartphones. Really, the way people use it is pathetic. One should never, ever write "I'm sending this from my iPhone" in an email. Pitiful!

That's what the signature is for! And frankly, the standard "Sent from my iPhone" signature just isn't good enough. It's way too small. Bump it up!

Sent from my iPhone!

See how much better that is? Gain some eco-friendly bonus points by going big and green!

Sent from my iPhone!

Extra bonus points for going all caps.

And don't forget, with your iPhone you're available to answer emails at all times (make sure you have a piercingly loud incoming email notification!). You're available 24/7! Just send it! There's nothing like a "SENT FROM MY iPHONE!!!!!" at 3:30am!







* Although my rules mention iPhones, by "smartphone" I am referring to all such devices (e.g. Blackberries, Palm Pre's etc.)**.

** "Smart" refers to the device, not the user.***

*** I'm a user. I own an iPhone.

DIY ideas...

...available here.


I didn't say they were good ideas...

I need a secretary

How I feel at the moment.

Danger!! Danger, Will Robinson!!!

Get Your Cyborg Name

The yardwork part is debatable...


Cyber-hat tip to Drugmonkey.

This and that

I heard this morning that my late Nanna's house was sold. She passed away earlier this year. I knew the house was on the market but hadn't really thought about it in depth. It's actually quite sad - I have some fond childhood memories of that old place. The fig tree in the backyard, the lanes out the back and on the side, the "old house" smell*... Sigh.


On a brighter note, I'm off to a smallish six day meeting this Sunday. Lots of good people will be there. My goals (you should always have goals, otherwise why attend?) are to:

i) get feedback on my new major research project - progress has been slow but steady,
ii) get feedback on my new major research project's bride, which is showing signs of life,
iii) catch up with old friends/collaborators,
iv) make new friends/collaborators,
v) score at least two seminar invites, and
vi) not make a fool of myself.

Goal vi) might be the hardest.


And finally a quote from my supertech: "Cloning always works. One day."






* Or was it an "old person" smell?

Do Science Scouts have a secret handshake?

After reading DrDrA's post I couldn't resist going over to the Science Scouts site to see what badges I could award myself...



The “I somehow convinced someone to part with a lot of money for science” badge (LEVEL II).

Haven't quite made it to Level III yet...


The “non-explainer” badge (LEVEL I).
It's been this way since grad school. Or even before. I'm trying hard not to earn Level II...


The “has done science whilst under the influence” badge.
Let's be honest now, who hasn't?


The “works with acids” badge.
This one's a bit of a gimme for anyone doing benchwork. Of course I did once dissolve part of a bench using acid...


The “I’ve set fire to stuff” badge (LEVEL III).
I did train as a physical chemist.


The “statistical linear regression” badge.
A necessary evil.


The “I’m a scientist who is fundamentally opposed to administrative duties” badge.
Another gimme.


The “has frozen stuff just to see what happens” badge (LEVEL III).
The irresistible lure of liquid nitrogen...


The “talking science” badge.
Of course!


Now I really should go do some science...

Silence is the enemy (Do what I say, please) [Updated]

Please go read CPP's latest post. Then go here and here and here. Click until your fingers bleed.

[Updated link to Isis' post on Silence is the Enemy]

Tagged for the covers meme...

Prof. Anon. was nasty kind enough to tag me in the current covers meme. It's taken me a while to respond because I simply cannot think of a well done cover that someone else hasn't already used... But I do have a stinker of a cover for you.

Rolf Harris does Led Zepplin's "Stairway to Heaven"!

Don't know who Rolf is? He's an Australian entertainer who used to have his own variety show. He sings, paints, and plays the didjeridoo and wobble board. No, not the fitness wobble board, this thing. Anyway, he's playing one in the following video so you'll get the idea.



Rolf butchers "Stairway to heaven"

This was performed on an Australian comedy show called "The Money or the Gun." They had many performers come on and do "Stairway to Heaven." Eventually these were all released on an album. Yes, an album with 22 performances of "Stairway to Heaven."


So now on to something completely different. Since I couldn't come up with a cover I really liked, I'm going to attempt starting a new meme...

How about a song that describes your career as you see it, but without actually mentioning the career explicitly?

I'm in academia, so I present to you the following:


Harvey Danger and "Cream and Bastards Rise"

The version on the "Little by Little" album is much, much better. You can download it for free from the band's web site.

Ultimate proof that evolution is real

If this doesn't convince you we're closely related to the apes, I don't know what will.

Challenge grant haiku

Twenty thousand grants.
Overload the reviewers.
NIH. Turkeys.

Blog on, blog off

I was very disappointed to read about Damn Good Technician being forced to shut down her blog. Apparently her superiors in Big Pharma weren't overly impressed with what she had to say. This event has had others wondering about the prudence of continuing to blog or to outline their personal rules of blogging.

It's got me thinking too. My first post to this blog was on September 22, 2005. In four and a half years I've blathered on about politics, spam, making tenure (or not), teaching, obesity, grants, vending machines, ipods, plagiarism, research, and a plethora of other nonsense. There are plenty of clues sprinkled throughout as to whom I am and where I work. It wouldn't take much to find me.

And so I've been considering shutting things down. After all, who needs the hassle that would follow from my colleagues and superiors figuring out I was blogging about them? Just not worth it.

Thus dear readers, I bid you adieu.









Screw that. I have almost 10,000 hits. You didn't really think I was going stop now did you?

Dear Reference Letter Writer

Thank you so much for your letter of reference for the student who applied to our NSF REU program. It was so very informative. Knowing that the student's favorite activity is reading will truly aid our decision process. So much more than the information we requested, such as their research potential, ability to work with others, or even classroom performance. I can fully understand why you have given them the "strongest possible recommendation."



And of course you clearly understood that no apologies were necessary for sending in your reference letter two months past the deadline.

Off I go then

I'm off on vacation for the next two weeks. Woo hoo!

It starts with my little brother's wedding this weekend where I'm expecting something along these lines:



See you all in a couple of weeks!