What? But... Hang on a sec...

I go away on vacation (hmmmmm, vacation.... sun, beer, sand, beer, waves, beer, seafood, beer and beer...) and all hell breaks loose.

Well, maybe not hell. But a whole new blog collective just... appeared. Scientopia. And many of my favorite science bloggy types have moved there. I was going to list them but Bora over at A Blog Around the Clock has already done so here.

Tres cool.

Geekery

Thanks to the grant-making powers that be it looks like I might be getting a new toy. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Now I need to start planning how to get one of these... Or an equivalent.

I like fluorescence. Can you tell?

My 2.5 week old nephew's favorite song

Your science is not enough

There's an awful lot of good advice out there in the blogosphere on how to succeed at many aspects of academia. DrugMonkey and Writedit are great resources for grant-writing, Professor in Training and Prof-like Substance are chronicling the trials and tribulations of being tenure-track assistant profs in the biological sciences, DrDrA is transitioning to the next level, and FemaleScienceProfessor provides a great deal of useful information from the senior level, etc. One thing that I have not seen discussed very much is something I have a problem with...

Assertiveness.

Some grad students and postdocs might be surprised to hear that once you reach the giddy heights of an academic position your kickass science is no longer sufficient. It's what will get you that position, but it's not enough to progress in your field from there. Yes, you can obtain grants and publish based solely on the science, but it's not enough. It's necessary, and importantly, you need some kickass science first and foremost. But kickass science alone probably won't get you invited to speak at a meeting or another institution. It won't set up the collaborations with the heavy hitters and rising stars in your field. Kickass science might make you a familiar name in your field, but not necessarily a presence in the field. It won't necessarily get you the recognition you think you're due.

That's where assertiveness comes in. Want to know how many speakers at meetings (other than the heavy hitters) get those slots? They asked. They pushed themselves forward, told the organizers "I have kickass science, I can give a kickass presentation and I deserve a slot". Ditto for many of those people giving seminars at your institution. Ditto for a collaboration between a heavy hitter and a junior person. Ditto for invitations to submit manuscripts for special issues of journals. Ditto for some publications in GlamourMagz. It goes on all the time. Next time you find yourself thinking "How the hell did they get that invitation/collaboration?", remind yourself they probably asked. Pushed. Lobbied. It's something I'm not terribly good at, but I'm trying to improve (damn it, I'm good enough, I deserve that recognition!).

People are surprisingly often willing to give someone a chance. But just one. You need to deliver. If you promise a kickass presentation of kickass science you had better deliver. Offered a killer collaboration? Deliver it. Pushed for an invitation to submit a stellar manuscript? Make it better than stellar. Otherwise those doors will be slammed shut. Too many doors slammed on you will get you a reputation that's hard to get rid of.

Something to think about and work on.

Just remember though, you have to have the kickass science first.

New Year

2010 already. How did that happen?

No matter. This is going to be a good year for me.

My somewhat recently resurrected research project is making good progress despite the occasional hiccup.



Odyssey's research project has a minor setback.


The bride of the above-mentioned project is showing strong signs of life and is the subject of a proposal about to go out the door.



The bride of Odyssey's research program is alive! Sort of.

And now my project has...

a son!!!!



Doesn't Dad look proud?

Of course he can't walk yet. And he's still on life support. But still, progress looms.


There are papers and proposals to write. Experiments to plan. Talks to give. Meetings to attend. Coffee to consume.


Life is good.

May this be a good year for all of us.

Monday

By 8am this morning I had reinstalled a toilet*, showered, shaved, breakfasted, read the newspaper, drove one of my daughters to school, and built towers out of wooden blocks with my son. I'm not sure I can maintain this pace...









* I tiled the floor yesterday.

Liberation

We had one humungous mother of a thunderstorm come through a couple of days ago. Knocked out the power in the building I work in.

It fried my office phone.

Woohoo!!11!!!11!!!

Danger!! Danger, Will Robinson!!!

Get Your Cyborg Name

The yardwork part is debatable...


Cyber-hat tip to Drugmonkey.

This and that

I heard this morning that my late Nanna's house was sold. She passed away earlier this year. I knew the house was on the market but hadn't really thought about it in depth. It's actually quite sad - I have some fond childhood memories of that old place. The fig tree in the backyard, the lanes out the back and on the side, the "old house" smell*... Sigh.


On a brighter note, I'm off to a smallish six day meeting this Sunday. Lots of good people will be there. My goals (you should always have goals, otherwise why attend?) are to:

i) get feedback on my new major research project - progress has been slow but steady,
ii) get feedback on my new major research project's bride, which is showing signs of life,
iii) catch up with old friends/collaborators,
iv) make new friends/collaborators,
v) score at least two seminar invites, and
vi) not make a fool of myself.

Goal vi) might be the hardest.


And finally a quote from my supertech: "Cloning always works. One day."






* Or was it an "old person" smell?

Do Science Scouts have a secret handshake?

After reading DrDrA's post I couldn't resist going over to the Science Scouts site to see what badges I could award myself...



The “I somehow convinced someone to part with a lot of money for science” badge (LEVEL II).

Haven't quite made it to Level III yet...


The “non-explainer” badge (LEVEL I).
It's been this way since grad school. Or even before. I'm trying hard not to earn Level II...


The “has done science whilst under the influence” badge.
Let's be honest now, who hasn't?


The “works with acids” badge.
This one's a bit of a gimme for anyone doing benchwork. Of course I did once dissolve part of a bench using acid...


The “I’ve set fire to stuff” badge (LEVEL III).
I did train as a physical chemist.


The “statistical linear regression” badge.
A necessary evil.


The “I’m a scientist who is fundamentally opposed to administrative duties” badge.
Another gimme.


The “has frozen stuff just to see what happens” badge (LEVEL III).
The irresistible lure of liquid nitrogen...


The “talking science” badge.
Of course!


Now I really should go do some science...

Tagged for the covers meme...

Prof. Anon. was nasty kind enough to tag me in the current covers meme. It's taken me a while to respond because I simply cannot think of a well done cover that someone else hasn't already used... But I do have a stinker of a cover for you.

Rolf Harris does Led Zepplin's "Stairway to Heaven"!

Don't know who Rolf is? He's an Australian entertainer who used to have his own variety show. He sings, paints, and plays the didjeridoo and wobble board. No, not the fitness wobble board, this thing. Anyway, he's playing one in the following video so you'll get the idea.



Rolf butchers "Stairway to heaven"

This was performed on an Australian comedy show called "The Money or the Gun." They had many performers come on and do "Stairway to Heaven." Eventually these were all released on an album. Yes, an album with 22 performances of "Stairway to Heaven."


So now on to something completely different. Since I couldn't come up with a cover I really liked, I'm going to attempt starting a new meme...

How about a song that describes your career as you see it, but without actually mentioning the career explicitly?

I'm in academia, so I present to you the following:


Harvey Danger and "Cream and Bastards Rise"

The version on the "Little by Little" album is much, much better. You can download it for free from the band's web site.

Off I go then

I'm off on vacation for the next two weeks. Woo hoo!

It starts with my little brother's wedding this weekend where I'm expecting something along these lines:



See you all in a couple of weeks!

New blog alert

Go check out Professor Anonymous.

Happiness...

...is a full and productive lab.

So far this year I've snatched supertech from the jaws of dysfunction, picked up a very good grad student, started a new and talented undergrad, and am working with a very bright high school student.

The lab is humming along.

So much so that I've had to suspend the weekly beatings.

That's my boy!

We went to a family event at my girls' elementary school last night. While there I was in the corridor with my son who wanted a drink from the water fountain. After he had finished drinking a teenage girl walked up to get a drink. Without missing a beat my son, with an impish grin, asked her where she lives...



Did I mention my son is two-and-a-half? The future will be interesting.

Oh dear...

As of this moment, my blog is the top hit for Google searches using:

"how many papers needed for tenure"
"papers needed for tenure"
"papers for tenure"

and number two for:

"how many papers for tenure"

Not that I care that people find my blog that way (I get 4-5 hits a day from people using those searches - and might even get more now with this post). It's more concerning that there are that many people who think they can find the answer on the internet.

Oh, and for those who find this post using such a search, read this.

Are You a Rockstar Scientist!!!!!?

Many, many years ago, while I was a grad student, New Scientist magazine published a quiz titled "Leader of the Lab." I have shamelessly stolen borrowed and altered what I remember of that for the following:

Are You a Rockstar Scientist!!!!!?

Answer the following multiple choice questions to determine if you have what it takes to be a Rockstar Scientist!!!!! Keep a note of your answers and use the grading system at the end of this post. No cheating!


1) You've just started your tenure track faculty position. You're trying to get your lab up and running when your newly hired tech comes into your office clearly upset. His mother has just been diagnosed with a terminal disease and has only a week or so left to live. The tech hasn't as yet earned any vacation or sick leave time, but would like to take time off to spend with his dying mother. What do you do?

1. Of course he should go. He should take as long as is necessary. And he shouldn't worry about being paid - you'll make sure he is.
   
2. He can go. Although you feel bad about it, it does have to be leave without pay.
   
3. He can go when he finishes up all the experiments he was supposed to have done during that time. And it's leave without pay.
   
4. Tell him that's what weekends are for.
   

2) Two graduate students want to join your lab. Both have indicated an interest in the same project of potential high impact. What do you do?

1. Explain the situation to both and try to work out who gets the coveted project. Do your best to come up with a second project of equal potential for the other student.
   
2. Give the best student the project and assign the second student something else.
   
3. Give the best student six months on the coveted project. If after that time they haven't made sufficient progress, give the project to the second student.
   
4. Put them both on the project and tell them whoever gets Nature/Science/Cell-worthy data first wins. The loser gets the boot.
   

3) An undergrad from one of your classes approaches you about doing research for credit in your lab. She is very interested in your work and is going to apply to grad school. You've never had an undergrad do research with you before, but are well aware that it's a substantial time and effort commitment on your part. What do you do?

1. Agree and set up a schedule where you can work with her until she's up to speed in the lab. Thereafter make sure you meet with her at least weekly.
   
2. Agree, then assign her to one of your grad students. Check up on her progress about once a month. Let the grad student decide her grade at the end of the semester.
   
3. Agree, then assign her to your tech. Don't bother checking up on her progress and assign her a C at the end of the semester.
   
4. Agree, then make her the lab dishwasher. Make yourself unavailable to talk with her once she's started. Give her an F for not having produced any data.
   

4) You will soon be coming up for tenure. You have plenty of grant money and a bunch of published papers, including two in the C/N/S glamormagz. A senior colleague is planning to go on sabbatical and asks you to teach one of his courses while he's gone. It's very much in your area of expertise and your colleague has offered you his Powerpoint slides and lecture notes. What do you do?

1. Agree to teach the course. It won't be that much work and will earn some good will.
   
2. Agree to teach the course but insist that your colleague writes a glowing paragraph about your selflessness in his letter supporting your tenure.
   
3. Tell your colleague you already have too much teaching.
   
4. Say no, then go tell your Department Chair that, with tenure coming up, you need to lighten your teaching load. Insist your senior colleague (the one who wants to go on sabbatical) is not only the best replacement, but the only person in the Department capable of giving your lectures.
   

5) You're now an associate professor with tenure. Professor Bigwig, a leader in your field, is coming to give a seminar in your Department. You know that she's organizing next year's SuperBig Meeting in your field. By sheer coincidence you are currently reviewing a renewal of the major grant that Bigwig needs to keep her laboratory running. What do you do?

1. Meet with Bigwig, tell her about the latest findings in your lab, and pay her all the respect she is due.
   
2. Meet with Bigwig and try to dazzle her with your latest findings in the hope she will consider you for a speaking slot in Superbig Meeting.
   
3. Meet with Bigwig and try to charm her into giving you a speaking slot. If that doesn't work, outright demand a speaking slot using your latest C/N/S publication as justification.
   
4. Meet with Bigwig and point out what a wonderful speaker you are and that you noticed there's an empty slot for a plenary speaker. All while tapping on that copy of her proposal you left lying in full view on your desk.
   

6) You're sitting on a grant review panel when you are assigned a proposal from a new investigator who is proposing to do precisely what you were going to put into a grant application you're currently writing. What do you do?

1. Let the program officer know the situation. Review the proposal as objectively as possible. If the new investigator's proposal receives a fundable, or near fundable, score, rethink your proposal.
   
2. Tell no one, but review the proposal somewhat objectively. Give it the score you think it deserves, given that this is a new, unproven investigator... Submit your proposal as planned.
   
3. Review the grant, but, no matter how good it is, give it a score that guarantees it won't be funded. Insist on additional preliminary data that will take at least a year to generate. Submit your proposal as planned.
   
4. Trash the grant, writing a review that sends the message that the proposed work is crap, and that the new investigator has never had and never will have a decent idea in their life. Then cut and paste from their proposal into your proposal.
   

7) You are now a full professor. An assistant professor in your Department, who is coming up for tenure, has been collaborating with you. You've each put in the same amount of time, effort and $'s. The manuscript is written and you're deciding on authorship prior to submission (a postdoc is clearly first author). What do you do?

1. Give the junior person senior authorship - it will be a big help in getting them tenure.
   
2. Insist on being co-corresponding author with your junior collaborator, but let them be last author.
   
3. You're senior. Obviously you'll be senior author.
   
4. Collaborator? What collaborator?
   

8) You've been very successful at grant writing and now have a lab full of smart postdocs. What do you do?

1. Keep doing what you're doing. Provide the best environment you can for the people in your lab, encourage them to write proposals for their own funding, and make sure they move on to bigger and better things when the time is right.
   
2. Keep those postdocs working hard. If they can keep the data flowing and you can get your own proposals funded, they can apply for their own funding.
   
3. Have your postdocs write grant proposals for you. Apply your editorial magic to them before putting your name on as PI and submitting.
   
4. Have your postdocs write your grant proposals for you. In their free time. Don't bother reading them, just have your secretary put your name on as PI and submit. They remain employed as long as they bring in the money. Keep the best grant writers convinced that they need to publish a lot more before they'll be ready to move on. Find ways to delay publication of their data. Sit back and enjoy.
   

9) When you first arrived at your University your Department purchased a confocal microscope you needed. The deal was that you would be in charge of this instrument, but that others in the Department would have access and you would provide the training. Over the years you have been doing less and less confocal work, to the point that you now no longer need such an instrument. What do you do?

1. Still put in the effort to keep the instrument maintained, and to train other users.
   
2. Retain control over the instrument, but leave the training to the tech in your lab who has used it once or twice.
   
3. Tell the Department that you no longer have any need for the instrument and that you refuse to be responsible for it anymore.
   
4. Sell the confocal microscope on Ebay and use the proceeds to pay for a skiing vacation in the Alps.
   

10) A young, completely unknown, recently graduated PhD from Estonia emails you a rough draft of a manuscript for you comments. Upon reading the manuscript you realize that this is Nobel-prize stuff. What do you do?

1. Go through the manuscript carefully, provide thoughtful and detailed comments, and inform the PhD as to the impact the work will have.
   
2. Offer to collaborate with the PhD, but insist they will be senior author.
   
3. Tell the PhD that the manuscript is interesting, but needs further experiments. Offer them a postdoctoral position in your lab so they can do the work with you, and that you will then publish the work with you as senior author.
   
4. Email the PhD telling them the work is crap not worthy of submission anywhere. Meanwhile have everyone in your lab do some quick and easy experiments you can add to the existing manuscript, rewrite it and submit.
   

Answer Key:

For each "a" give yourself one point, for each "b" two points, each "c" three points, and each "d" four points.

If you scored:

10-20
Sorry, you are just too nice to ever be a Rockstar Scientist!!!!! Your colleagues really like you and you are certainly popular among the grad students. But stardom will forever be out of reach.

21-30
Not going to make it to Rockstar Scientist!!!!! You try, but that pesky conscience keeps getting in the way.

31-39
You're almost a Rockstar Scientist!!!!! But not quite. What's holding you back? Couldn't sell the confocal? Missed the plane to Stockholm?

40
You are truly a Rockstar Scientist!!!!! Congratulations! It must be great not having to write grant proposals anymore. What did you get for the confocal and how was Stockholm?

Happy Non-Denominational Festive Season!

Five things meme...

Gee, thanks JLK...

The 5 Things Meme

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. Wondering if I should add experimental work to my research (I was a computational biologist).
2. Being totally besotted with my baby daughter.
3. Realizing the tenure clock ticks very, very quickly.
4. Enjoying being a first-time homeowner.
5. Celebrating the publication of my first paper as a tenure-track faculty (actually ten years ago this week!).

5 things on my to do list today:
1. Finish reviewing the all-too-large pile of travel grant applications on my desk.
2. Plan out how I'm going to squeeze in a protein expression and purification (that I'll be doing myself) in the next two or three weeks. My work has morphed over ten years from purely computational to almost purely experimental...
3. Spend time with my family.
4. Try to avoid spending an excessive amount of time reading blogs.
5. Go to bed at a decent hour.

5 snacks I love:
1. Apples.
2. Potato chips.
3. White chocolate chip-macademia nut cookies.
4. A freshly-baked cheese danish or walnut-jam scone or cinnamon doughnut from the bakery down the street (okay, so I cheated a little and squeezed three into one).
5. Beer (where I come from beer qualifies as a snack. And breakfast, lunch and dinner).

5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:
1. Put away a bunch for the kid's college tuitions.
2. Take a family vacation to Australia.
3. Take Mrs. Odyssey to Europe (sans kids).
4. Pay off the house.
5. Renovate the kitchen.

5 places I've lived:
1. Australia.
2. Pennsylvania.
3. North Carolina.
4. Missouri.
5. Maryland.

5 jobs I've had:
1. Selling car parts.
2. Chemistry lab demonstrator (like a TA).
3. Lead chemist at a phosphate fertilizer plant (thankfully only temporarily, although the town it is based in is one of the most beautiful locales I've ever seen).
4. Postdoctoral fellow.
5. Research Associate (this was the title the institution I was at used for postdocs who'd been around for too long).

5 people I'll tag:
Five people I don't know enough about (or want to know more about).
1. DocStymie.
2. JollyRgr (surprise we with things I don't know).
3. Professor in Training (if you can fit a meme in with everything else you've got going).
4. Bugger it. I'm stopping at three.

I never win anything

I have a much less than stellar record when it comes to winning things. Contests, lotteries, gambling of various sorts. It's not clear to me whether fate is conspiring against me or I'm just a living demonstration of the odds against winning those sorts of things...








But things can change. I just won a blue one of these! The 8GB version. Just for filling out a survey for a foundation that supports research into a particular disease. Happy, happy, joy, joy!